The best exotic dancer in Tulsa
by ShotgunOpera
Summary: You know, the book never really specifies Darry's second job...Warning: silly fic! Written for the WSOTT forums August rumble, "And in Walked Weird"


Disclaimer: The wonderful Susie Hinton owns all. Alas, I cannot claim anything…with the possible exception of the strip club. :P

Warning: silly fic ahead!

This piece was written for the WSOTT forums August rumble: "And in Walked Weird". The challenge is, as follows:

"As fan fiction writers, our goal is to get the characters inside and out, to share our unique perspectives on the tale, and make everything as accurate as possible. So this August, I propose something different.

Write a piece that depicts one or more of the boys out of character. (6 pages max, any POV).

Think Two-Bit should be the responsible one? Write it!

Think Dallas would look good in a tutu? Share it with the rest of us!

The point is, that sometimes you need to get things wrong to put things back on the right track, especially when you're writing. So have fun with it! Go all out! Just try something different!"

So, in the spirit of things, I wrote this piece about Darry being an exotic dancer. Yes, the boys are a bit OOC well, Darry isn't really, except for the situation, but I guess I have a hard time writing bad fic, they are MEANT to be that way; that is the point. This is NOT meant to be serious is any way, shape, manner, or form, it's just silly fluff, so please don't think that it is.

Also, I know the songs used were not recorded in the 60's, but seeing as this is supposed to be an OOC fic, I decided it would be ok. :P Song credits will be given at the end. I don't want to ruin the surprise!

One more thing…there is kinda sorta a little tiny bit of slash in here…it wasn't meant to be in there, but it worked out that way when I wrote it. It's nothing big, but I thought I would warn you as I know some of you don't enjoy slash.

And now, on with the story!

* * *

God, I hoped that no one would see me. I would never forgive myself for taking this job, even if it was to keep my brothers together. Two-bit knows…or at least he has a damn good idea…one time he found a black sequined g-string in my bag and cocked an eyebrow at me. I had grabbed it out of his hand and made him swear that he would never ever even hint that he had seen anything like that in my bag. I'm sure my face was beet red as I stuffed the g-string back into the bag. Tonight was no different than any other night; I parked at least five blocks away and took the long way to the back of the place to avoid being seen walking into my night job…at the XXX live show downtown.

The XXX live show downtown was Tulsa's only strip club. It featured both men and women exotic dancers as well as scantily clad waiters and waitresses. When I had been laid off from my night job at the factory, I had been desperate for another job; my roofing job just wasn't going to cut it with two teenaged boys to support. I had literally looked everywhere, begging and pleading, but to no avail. Until I came here.

Loud music pumped out of the place and assaulted my ears as I opened the door. The first time I had opened the door, I had considered pressing charges against the amps for assault and battery of eardrums, but now I was so used to it I barely noticed it. Slinking along the narrow hallway toward the dressing rooms, I almost ran over another performer.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I apologized.

"Whoa, watch where yer goin there, big guy," a familiar voice said, and my eyes widened as the performer turned around to reveal…Two-Bit.

"Two-Bit?!" I yelled in disbelief, shock and horror enveloping my body. There was no denying it now.

"Hey! Didn't know if I was gonna see you here my first night or not!"

"First night? Two-Bit…what's going on?"

"I got a job, that's what!"

"What?!"

"Yeah! I know, I know, I said all that crap about not wanting a job 'cause it would ruin my rep, but I didn't know there was something like this out there…I mean I shake my groove thang and I get some money, that seems almost like stealing to me!" he exclaimed as he gave me a wink. "Plus, it'll give us time to hang out some more, I know it's hard with you working two jobs and all, but I really miss hangin out with you, Dar."

He actually had made the last part sound sincere, I had to give him that. I sighed heavily. "I have to go get dressed, I…I guess I'll see you on stage."

"More like UNdressed! Haha!!" nudged Two-Bit as he winked at me, and with that, he bounded off. I shook my head; could this day get any worse?

Back in the dressing room, I steeled myself for the performance ahead of me. Even though I thought this was ridiculous, I still took it pretty seriously. Chalk it up to that drive I have to excel in everything I do, but damnit when I was out on that stage I wanted to be the best exotic dancer in Tulsa.

"Five minutes, Mr. Curtis," a stage assistant informed me, and I nodded my acknowledgement. Butterflies alighted in my stomach for the first time since after I had started working here. I chalked it up to Two-Bit being here; I wasn't even on stage yet and I was already nervous. Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I waited for the beginning part of my song…

_I'm too sexy for my love_

_Too sexy for my love_

_Love's going to leeeeeave meeeeee._

With that, I burst out on stage, swinging in time to the beat of the music.

_I'm too sexy for my shirt_

_Too sexy for my shirt_

_So sexy it huuuurts_

I tore off the prop shirt I wore, to much the delight and swooning of the audience, and – deciding to be generous – I threw it out into the crowd…

...and did a double take when I realized that it landed on Dallas Winston.

I paled, but even doubly so when I saw Sodapop and Steve sitting next to him, their mouths gaping. I paused for a moment, torn between wanting to explain myself or continuing my routine, when Steve said, "I'm not listening to Dally anymore, I don't care what he promises." With that, he grabbed Sodapop's hand and dragged him out of the club, Soda's mouth still gaping. Dally quirked an eyebrow at me before handing the shirt to a female audience member and following them out.

Quite shaken by this and at the prospect of explaining myself later, I continued on; I had already missed part of it, and I'm sure the boss wasn't going to be too happy with me.

_I'm a model you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah_

_I do my little turn on the catwalk_

I shook off my anxiousness quickly, not wanting my dance tonight to be feeble because of this one encounter, and I soon found myself back into my usual groove.

_I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car_

_Too sexy by far_

_And I'm too sexy for my hat_

_Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that_

_I'm a model you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah_

_I shake my little tush on the catwalk_

All the girls in the club screamed at the last part; they loved it when I acted it out, especially since I took the opportunity to shake off the pants that I was wearing.

_I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my_

_'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah_

_I shake my little tush on the catwalk_

_I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat_

_Poor pussy poor pussy cat_

_I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love_

_Love's going to leave me_

_And I'm too sexy for this song_

The audience certainly seemed to love it, and I was already pulling in some good tips. This was going to be a good night for tips, the place was absolutely packed.

I was really starting to loosen up now, my earlier nervousness gone. I gave lap dances for swooning girls – and even a couple of guys – and they tipped my generously, especially when I flashed them a smile and my signature hip wiggle.

Suddenly, I saw someone else that I recognized, someone who was the last person I would expect to see here.

Ponyboy was standing in the middle of the crowd.

Johnny Cade was standing beside him, but neither of them had seen me yet. They looked nervous, and I wondered why in the world they were here; they weren't even interested in stuff like this! I suddenly understood why, however, when Curly Shepard stepped in between them and draped his arms over their shoulders. Knowing Curly, he had probably dared them to come in here.

I was going to kill that Shepard kid. But, first things first.

My legal guardian side took over, and I marched over to them, trying to look as intimidating as I could in a purple g-string. They were all in the middle of a conversation, so they didn't even see me until I stepped up to them and said, "Ponyboy Michael Curtis, what are you doing here?!"

Ponyboy's head whipped around so fast, I was afraid he'd snapped it. His eyes widened as the color drained from his face, and then turned bright red when he realized that I was practically naked save for a few bits of cloth. "Darry, uh…what…uh…"

Curly, however, smiled slyly and nudged them both. "Alright, here's a chance to fulfill yer dare…ask for a lap dance!"

Ponyboy looked over at him, shocked and terrified at the same time, his mouth opening and closing several times as he was trying to figure out what to say next.

Two-Bit came up behind me and smirked mischievously as he suggested to me, "Why don't we give them all lap dances? I'd be glad to give you one, Curly."

Curly's face then paled; his joke had been turned around on him. "Um, uh, no thanks," he mumbled as he pulled Johnny and Pony with him out the door. I shook my head at them; great, now everyone knew. Could this night get any worse?

"I'll take you up on that lap dance, Matthews," a familiar voice said, as Tim Shepard materialized out of the crowd, waving a dollar bill at Two-Bit.

"Why sure! Hell, this is my song!" Two-Bit whooped.

Tim grinned and took a seat, looking like a Cheshire cat as Two-Bit circled him, bopping to the beat of the song.

_I'm bringing sexy back_

_Them other boys don't know how to act_

_I think you're special, what's behind your back?_

_So turn around and I'll pick up the slack._

_Take 'em to the bridge_

_Dirty babe_

_You see the shackles_

_Baby I'm your slave_

_I'll let you whip me if I misbehave_

_It's just that no one makes me feel this way_

Tim ran the dollar bill down Two-Bit's chest as Two-Bit straddled him, breathing heavy from effort and gyrating to the song.

Trying to ignore them as much as I could, I went on working my way through the crowd, trying to forget everything that had happened so far tonight. I was considering driving the truck off a cliff, but such cliffs are hard to find in the city of Tulsa.

I caught up with Two-Bit after a few songs, and he flashed a smile at me. Sweat was starting to roll down his face, which was flushed with exertion, and he looked like he was having the time of his life. Curiosity was tugging at me, and I had to ask him. "Hey, how much did Tim give you for that lap dance?"

"A dollar."

"Just a dollar?"

"Yeah, but the joke's on him. I lifted his wallet!"

* * *

A/N: well, I hope you enjoyed this silly fic, for all the silliness that it is meant to be. "I'm too sexy" belongs to Right Said Fred and "SexyBack" belongs to Justin Timberlake; I own neither song.


End file.
